#7 - Senior Nursing Students share a secret to their success.

Have you ever been frustrated when a friend or study partner scored better than you on an exam? The advice these seniors shared blew my mind. I can't wait for you to watch this video!

 Kacey writes, my friend and I are in the same class, with the same teacher and we study together before every test. Why does she always seem to score higher than me on exams?

 Thank you for your question Kacey. I have been asked this question many times, even just a recently as last semester when a student came to my office in tears upset that her friend and study partner scored 10 points higher than her on one of my tests.

I’d like to share with you the story that I told this particular student on that day.

A few years ago, 4 of my senior level nursing students, being quite familiar with the stress that nursing school can bring, approached me with a desire to encourage students that were earlier in the program. I invited them to speak to one of my classes and share the lessons that had been most impactful for them in handling the stress of school. 

The students shared some really good advice, including practical tips for staying organized, ways to study effectively in groups, the benefits of accountability partners, and specific suggestions for physical, mental, and spiritual self-care.

They concluded the discussion by sharing what they felt was the biggest secret to handling the stress of nursing school: healthy friendships.

These students were not only classmates, but they were friends. Early on, these students decided they would not share personal test scores with each other. No matter how tempting it was to share, they committed to keeping test scores private and they held each other accountable to this friendship rule. The students explained that early on they realized that knowing each others’ test scores had the potential to cause jealousy, envy and self-doubt. The friend that had scored worse might think of herself as less- less intelligent, less worthy of being a nurse, less valued or important. The friend that had scored higher might feel guilt or condemnation for scoring better. They knew that comparing test scores was a slippery slope to resentment that could tear their friendships apart.

They explained that with nursing school as challenging as it has been, having healthy friendships was the key to success for them.

Here are ways other ways that they strengthened their friendships:

1. Talking about something other than nursing classes (I know, crazy idea!)

2. Spending time together doing things that they enjoy.

3. Committing to talk to each other when there was an issue, not about each other.

4. Being present with each other (not being distracted on personal devices all the time).

5. Listening well (not thinking about what they were going to say next)

6. Listening and not trying to fix each other or every problem.

7. Being an encourager. Lifting each other up, not tearing each other down.

Kacey, having a friend get a better grade on an exam, can be very discouraging and frustrating. But, doing well on an exam often times has less to do with effort, as it does with strategy. I know your working hard already. I can help you improve your strategy. I am confident that together we can find ways for you to improve your test scores through the resources on NSM.

But today, I’d like to ask you to consider your friendship. Having healthy friendships can be a secret weapon to overcoming the stress of nursing school. Friends can be cheerleaders when you need encouragement, your support group when you need to talk, and your accountability partners when you need it most. A friend will remind you when that paper is due and understand when you need to say no to a night out in order to study!

Kacey, I’d like to challenge you to put into practice the advice given by these senior students- keep your exam scores private. Tell your friend why and challenge her to do the same. Choose your friendship over the grade comparison trap that is so common in nursing school.

I’m happy to report that these seniors that spoke to my class graduated, passed NCLEX on their first try and have remained close friends to this day. When one has a tough day at work, there is a friend they can call and the strength of this friendship began in nursing school with a simple decision to avoid comparison and nurture healthy relationships.

Kacey’s question was a great one. If you have a friend that is struggling with the grade comparison trap, please pass video on to them.